Empowering Victims and Survivors

By way of introduction, my name is Amanda Brown

I am a mother, a full time employee, a business owner, an author, and a VICTIM survivor. I put that in there, because for a long time i rejected the term and in doing so I created myself as more of a victim. By owning it I have brought healing and empowerment to myself. I have acknowledged and honoured the child who was a victim. And that is what has allowed me to talk about my experiences so openly.  From talking about them I have noticed that it inspires others to talk, and when we all talk openly about our traumas, the shame surrounding it begins to fade away.

Shame keeps us silent and silence is what an abuser relies on - so the more we talk the fewer places predators and abusers have to hide.

I have a little  book at home where I write my dreams, goals and manifestations. In it I have written

"I want to live to see a time where on abuser is more afraid to abuse than a victim is to speak out "

There is so much that needs to happen to get us there.

Firstly appropriate RSE in schools so we can teach our children about safe relationships, consent and body autonomy, and it is delivered in such a way that a child feels sale to disclose anything that is happening to them, because  for many the only safe place is school.  

We need to tackle gender based violence behaviours in the playground.   Stop telling your daughters that boy is hitting them because they fancy them and stop mocking your sons for being nice to a girl.  

We need to change societal views and challenge victim blaming language and behaviours.

We need to focus more on the wrongdoings  of an abuser and less on what the victim could have done to deserve it.

We need a better system for reporting violence and abuse. A time where we are equally as vulnerable as the time the incident occurred. We need compassion, patience and qualified, trauma informed people walking with us throughout the entire process.

We need defence banisters to treat us with dignity and compassion. We need harsher sentencing. We need our own representatives in court who will be able to guide and support us through the court process. In fact We need a complete overhaul of the court process, one where we are seen as victims not just witnesses, one where we feel we have some level of control because that’s exactly what our abusers  took from us. We need a system  that understands PTSD and complex trauma from sexual violence.

I want to go back to the culture of victim blaming.  How we can change that?

How we change the narrative around what a victim is. Society tells a victim is weak, a victim can never be successful or achieve anything great.

But to start changing the narrative around victims we need to start to own it. Stand in your victimhood and wear it like a badge of honour. Wear it like a medal around your neck because you are surviving whatever it is that made you a victim.  Do not allow their shame to weigh you down or hold you back.

Do not let anyone tell you that you are who you are because of your abuse.   

Tell them you are who you are IN SPITE of the abuse.

Do not allow anyone to silence or minimise you. You are not the one who should be hiding in same. Shine a light on your abusers and show them and others that we will no longer hold the secrets of who they really are.

Let’s Make abusers more afraid of the consequences of their actions and empower other victims to speak out.   

Let’s move closer to the day where abusers are more afraid to abuse than victims are to speak out! 

I would like to add to this that speaking out doesn’t necessarily mean going to the police.   And I understand that everyone is at a different stage in their journey.   Speaking out can be talking to a close and trusted friend or family member.  It could be speaking to a counsellor or the likes of Nexus, or if you felt inclined to speak to the police then absolutely take that path.   Speak with Victim Support if this is the route you are choosing.  

It’s time to take back our power.  Women have been shamed into silence for the abuse and violence that is forced onto us for far too long.  I hear you, I see you and I believe you; and I am just one of many who are on your side.

Author - Amanda Brown is a domestic violence and child sexual abuse survivor and victim advocate.
Adapted from  a speech given at Reclaim the Night Belfast 2023.